I'm going to divulge a secret.
I didn't set out to start a community for PDAers and our families (and eventually a training program and community for coaches and clinicians and educators.)
I set out to make an app.
Just an app.
An app with The PDA Safe Circle™ course and content on it.
Because I liked the idea of support in your pocket.
I pictured people tapping on their phones to watch videos of me helping them regulate in hard moments, and learning the juicy and really helpful content of The PDA Safe Circle™ Approach.
I didn't set out to connect people to each other because my own social anxiety went through the roof at the thought of it.
I actually went into a full flight panic mode one evening with my husband when he tried to tell me that making a community around The PDA Safe Circle™ was absolutely what people needed.
My PDA Autistic nervous system was terrified at the thought of running an online community.
What if people were mean to each other?
What if people didn't stay focused on The PDA Safe Circle™ Approach and instead spiraled out about what is hard about PDA, further dysregulating themselves and others in the process?
What if I became exhausted moderating the Community Feed?
Then I realized something.
Something that is a balm to the soul of many PDAers. Three little words that can take me from panic to calm in a moment.
"I am in charge."
After two decades of a previous career in non-profit and progressive religious organizations that are run by committees, I was starting a business. I owned it. I was in charge. I was allowed to be in charge.
Which meant I could set the cultural tone of The PDA Safe Circle™ community. I could create Community Guidelines.
I could do so with declarative language and compassion. I could run them by trusted advisors. I could change them based on feedback as needed. But I could make my boundaries clear, and create a compassionate, supportive, focused community of practice.
I knew my husband was right.
This is what the community needed. It was very, very clear to us both that the transformation that is possible with The PDA Safe Circle™ Approach would be magnified tenfold if people were connecting and practicing it together. The community organizer and rabbi in me knew that. I just needed some guardrails to care for my nervous system and my members' nervous systems while we all shared a space together.
So here is what I wrote.
If these guidelines or anything else on my blog get you excited to join our community as a PDAer or loved one of a PDAer, head over to PDASafeCircle.com for the full website and information on joining.
The PDA Safe Circle™ Community Guidelines
Deep breath. Sense of relief. Being around people who get it.
We are welcoming, kind, and supportive in our responses to others.
We post or reply to posts from a place of being regulated inside ourselves. If we aren't regulated, we can come back to the post when we are.
We assume good intent.
We are a community of many neurodivergent people who may interpret language literally, or not understand the tone intended behind a post and/or be very sensitive to perceived rejection or critique. Therefore, we always assume good intent and also shower ourselves with compassion.
We are mindful of both privilege and intersecting vulnerabilities.
Being PDA or loving a PDAer is a vulnerable way to be in our society. In addition, many PDAers and loved ones experience intersecting vulnerabilities that magnify the risks of being PDA, such as having other disabilities, or being BIPOC, financially insecure, unemployed, chronically ill, LGBTQ, a religious or ethnic minority, or undocumented. As we share resources and stories from our own lives, we don't assume others share our privilege or vulnerabilities. We listen to voices with different experiences from ours.
We use our Community Feed for the following purposes:
To share a story about PDA or about applying The PDA Safe Circle™ in our own life to celebrate our successes and to help and inspire others
To ask clarifying questions about The PDA Safe Circle™ Approach
To ask for support with a PDA-related situation in our lives
To respond to another member's question from a kind and regulated place in ourselves
To share an external resource that you have personally found helpful about PDA. The focus on our Feed is The PDA Safe Circle™. However, it's totally fine to occasionally post an outside resource if you have personally found it helpful. That said, moderators reserve the right to remove the post if the resource contradicts values of The PDA Safe Circle™, such as posts that advocate behaviorism.
To briefly ask for messages of support and co-regulation (without venting - see next point). For instance, "I'm having a super hard day. Lots of reactivity in our home and I just need to not feel alone. Any messages of care and support would be appreciated."
If we need to vent, we ask for that in a private setting.
Venting is the need to just get it all off our chest without censoring ourselves and without being focused on taking any action. We all need to vent sometimes, but our public feed is not the place for this because venting can be dysregulating to others if they are not prepared for it.
If you need to vent: You can post in the community feed and ask if a member is available to listen over direct message or hop on a call. You can also Direct Message a specific member.
Check out the Quick Guide to Peer-Coaching for tips on supporting someone who just needs to vent.
We're (obviously!) kind and responsible humans. We don't engage in hate-speech or disparaging comments against any person or group of people – right or left.
Obviously, no bullying, spamming, promotion of violence, or anything illegal.
In our community, we don't make disparaging comments or post hate speech or criticism of any group or individual based on sexual orientation, gender identity, race, ethnicity, religion, nationality, political party, or immigration status.
This is an LGBTQ-affirming space, and anti-trans comments aren't welcome. At the same time, no one is forced or shamed into listing their pronouns.
We approach PDA and disability through a neurodivergent-affirming framework.
In The PDA Safe Circle™, neurodivergent is seen as a vulnerable but valid way of being human. We are focused on supporting PDA and Autistic people the way we are, so we don't make comments or share resources about preventing or "curing" PDA or Autism.
In describing a PDAer, we focus on their strengths and their support needs instead of saying "high-functioning" or "low-functioning." This language is more accurate, empowering, and helpful for disabled people than functioning labels.
We don't post news stories – with some exceptions.
In general, this is not a community for posting news stories. Exceptions are if you are published on a relevant topic and want to celebrate and share, or if The PDA Safe Circle™ is covered in the news.
Unsolicited promotion of your own business only happens in the Share Your Gifts space.
You are encouraged to offer your talents for free or to promote your business in our Share Your Gifts space (Under EMPOWER), but please refrain from any unsolicited promotion of your business to individual members or in our Community Feed.
The one exception to this is if you have a skill to share or sell that is directly relevant to a question asked in the community feed. For instance, if a member is struggling with space organization in their home and you offer virtual consults on home organization, feel free to post this in a reply to the member.
We are responsible for our own actions and do not hold Shoshana or The PDA Safe Circle™ liable for any action or outcome.
Everything in this course and app is for informational purposes, and nothing constitutes medical advice. You are free to try or not try any suggestions here, and by joining the community you release The PDA Safe Circle™ and all affiliated individuals from any liability resulting from your actions.
We respect each other's privacy and confidentiality.
We do not screenshot, record, copy, or share any stories, discussions, or content containing identifying information of any member without their express written permission. This includes, but is not limited to, sharing on social media, blogs, articles, or any other form of publication or distribution.
We respect the intellectual property of Shoshana and The PDA Safe Circle™.
We do not screenshot or copy and paste whole lessons or pages from this app to share with non-members, except in 2 exceptions:
We may share up to 4 screen shots (without identifying information about any member) as a way to get someone excited about joining.
We have permission to share PDFs or exercises from the course and app with anyone directly involved in clinical, educational, or home care for ourselves or a PDA loved one. Please encourage any professionals to join our mailing list so they can be notified of trainings and certifications for their line of work.
Coaches and clinicians who are current members - Please review!
First, I'm so glad you're here.
You may use the tools you learn here with clients in individual coaching or clinical sessions, but please credit The PDA Safe Circle™ and encourage your clients to join the community. Your word of mouth is going to help us grow and be financially sustainable and also change the world!
You do not have the right to make copies of any PDF in a large training or full-office context, or to lead a group training or support group based in The PDA Safe Circle™ without express written agreement from Shoshana. You can reach out to her directly.
Please do not advertise that you are trained in The PDA Safe Circle™. You can stay tuned for a certification program that will give you that right.
Host and Moderators are here to compassionately keep these boundaries so we can all feel supported and safe.
You can Direct Message a Host or Moderator if you are concerned about a post or have any questions about whether a specific post fits these guidelines.
Any post that doesn't follow these guidelines may be removed. If that happens, a host or moderator will message the member to point out why. This will be done compassionately and without shame or confrontation - don't worry! We all make mistakes!
Anyone with a pattern of posting inappropriately or misusing our community space may have posting privileges revoked. Host or Moderators will always communicate compassionately ahead of time if this is a possibility. In very rare cases, we may ask a member to leave the community.
